When/Then Statements: Communicating with Your Toddler
Toddlers have a reputation for being challenging because the work of toddlerhood is (1) developing independence and (2) learning about boundaries and limits. They are compelled to test boundaries and limits as part of forming their understanding of the world. This can often lead to power struggles with adults.
One of my favorite tools for helping toddlers understand limits is the “when/then” statement. This is most useful when the child wants to have or do something NOW but can’t. Here are a few examples of “when/then” statements you can try:
“When you pick up your blocks then we can get out a puzzle.”
“When we finish lunch then we can go to the park.”
“When I finish my phone call then we can read books.”
The “when/then” statement is powerful for a few reasons:
It helps the child develop a sense of order. Toddlers are in their sensitive period for understanding order, routine and process.
It is clear, simple language that the child can understand. Don’t be tempted to add a bunch of extra language to your “when/then” statement! Just keep repeating yourself. Toddlers literally need to hear something a hundred times before it fully registers.
An important thing to remember is that, just because you used a “when/then” statement, that doesn’t mean your child won’t cry/scream/resist you. In fact, it’s very likely they will do all those things! There is no magic formula for preventing toddler tantrums. But, if we are consistent and clear, eventually they understand the boundary and accept it.
If you have questions or want to talk about anything else regarding your child’s development, let me know! I’m always happy to set up a time to talk with you.
